I’m Pregnant. With Twins.

My story, the day after I found out I am pregnant with two...

CONTEXT: This article was written when I was 11 weeks pregnant, before my husband and I shared the news. I’m now 21 weeks pregnant, and the four of us are healthy, happy and well over the halfway mark! It was lovely to re-read this article from 10 weeks ago, as I can appreciate how much I have grown on this journey so far (and no, I’m not just talking about my belly!)

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Yesterday, my husband Dan and I discovered we’re pregnant with twins. Yes, we're having two. At this moment in time (11 weeks and 1 day), we haven't shared the pregnancy news with anyone, partly because of the risks in the first trimester but mostly because we liked the idea of settling into this new chapter and dreaming about what we want it to look like, before sharing it with the world and being shaped by other people's thoughtful - yet sometimes intrusive- experiences and expectations. We’ve spent the last six weeks imagining one child, and now we’ve just discovered- to our complete surprise- that we’re having two. As Dan said, seconds after seeing two babies on the ultrasound screen, “we’re going to need more space!”

So far, so good…

From a pregnancy standpoint, my experience so far has been straightforward and uncomplicated. I've been slightly tired and have napped occasionally, but other than that (and peeing more), I really can't complain. I was skiing at seven weeks (I’m a very competent skier and trust myself on skis more than I do running around my local park). At nine weeks, I led an interactive training for leaders and pilots from the US Air Force. And whilst I wisely cancelled my hot yoga membership early on, I started working out with a PT for a more personalised and pregnancy-friendly approach. So far, so good. In fact, days have gone by when I’ve barely thought about being pregnant. It was exciting and not all-consuming, which felt like a lovely space to be in.

Ignorance is Bliss

Given that this is our first and that we are relatively naïve to all things pregnancy and babies, I was confident that the playful yet curious energy that Dan and I were bringing to the process was impacting my experience. And whilst a lot of luck is involved (I haven't been sick once), I still believe there is a valuable lesson here. As I discussed with Mark Ovland on The Ways of Looking Podcast, the lenses we look through will be shaping our reality to a certain degree. Suppose I had spent many hours on Reddit, reading up on #pregnancyproblems, I'm sure certain aspects of my journey wouldn't have felt quite as light and manageable. It may have caused me to view my experiences- like intermittent backache- through a 'challenges' lens instead.

There are many things that could go wrong. But I don’t believe that means we necessarily should know about all these potential issues. Just in case.

I must admit that being a complete beginner has been a blessing up until now, as I don’t know what I don’t know. (A friend, on the other hand, who specialises in paediatrics, was worried sick at every stage of her pregnancy because, to use her words, “I know too much.”) After spending most of my life trying- and sometimes pretending- to be an expert, there’s a great relief in not having to know. Instead, I figure if and when things show up, I will learn and work it out along the way. As one twin specialist shared with us, “If it’s your first and it’s twins, then you’re lucky; ignorance really is bliss!”

Comparison vs Trusting the Gut

I also appreciated the space to ask questions without finding answers immediately. Our phones give us access to so much information, often at the expense of our own wisdom. We seek to understand through other people's experiences or from the advice of experts- neither of which is wrong- but when they become primary, can cause us to ignore the signals from within. So, throughout my first trimester, I have restricted my 'Google time', and often it would be something Dan and I would do together. This was essential for preventing information overload and the wormhole effect, where you suddenly realise you've lost 30 minutes on a Sunday scrolling on Mumsnet!

One area where I haven't been so positive relates to my changing body. I tried to stay upbeat and optimistic, but I couldn't help worrying about my expanding waistline: why was I gaining weight faster than expected at this stage? By week 10, my belly had 'popped', and I traded my skinny jeans for leggings. On several occasions, the thought slipped into my mind: what if I'm having twins? But I quickly pushed it to the side, knowing that it was unlikely without any twins on either side of our family.

As I reflect on those early days of pregnancy, I wonder whether, on some subconscious level, I already knew I was growing two little people inside me. That knowing voice was there but was often drowned out by my brain’s comparisons to the experiences of others. So, as we begin to share our news (from around 13 weeks) and meet the team of twin specialists who will be looking after us, I hope I can also stay connected to my gut instinct. That quiet little voice inside of me that can ground and guide me, particularly when navigating considerable change. 

Life is a dance

Let me explain a little bit about where our headspace was around having kids. Whilst we loved the idea of growing our family, Dan and I have, for many years, felt like a complete family, just as the two of us. There wasn't anything missing or in need. We've been together for over a decade and love the life we're building. And having kids- if the option was on the cards for us- felt like an incredible adventure, but not the only path in front of us. So, from about July last year, we decided to give it a go without too many expectations.

This somewhat stoic approach to having children was additionally stimulated after receiving a PCOS diagnosis, which was causing me to have very irregular or non-existent cycles. So, whilst not impossible, kids didn’t necessarily feel like a sure-fire thing. During this time, we switched our story (which was really just for us) from "we want a child" to "we're open to receiving the gift of a child" (kudos to coach Henk Doller for the inspiration). This felt like a more accepting way of leaning into the ambiguity surrounding a decision like this. It also helped us to balance our dreams with uncertainty: life is a dance, and we're not always the ones leading. Sometimes life has other plans in store...

Fast forward to 4th April 2023. It's the morning of our ultrasound, and the thought popped into my head again: what if we're having twins? But once again, the idea quickly drifted away. Lying on the hospital bed, the sonographer asks: "Have you got a history of multiples in your family?" After responding, "No", I turned to Dan and said, "Oh my god, just imagine if we're having triplets!?" and then laughed to cover up my nerves. (I've watched 'This is Us’ and raising 3 little people does not look like a walk in the park!) So, a moment later, when the screen is turned around and the sonographer explains that we're having twins, I felt a rush of excitement (and also relief that it's not 3!!) In 6 months, the two of us will become a four. Almost automatically, we both teared up, amazed at the two tiny heartbeats that flickered on the screen. Welcome to this world, little ones.

Sometimes the best things in life are unexpected surprises

If I'm candid, I'm surprised that my first reaction was pure excitement, as opposed to fear or overwhelm, both of which are very normal and expected when receiving the news that you're now expecting two children, not just one! (When we met our twin specialist midwife, she remarked that “It’s nice to see you’re smiling, it’s not always the case!”) I say this because I run my own business, and I love what I do, and the thought of one child and what pregnancy and beyond might look like for my work has concerned me a little bit. Dan is fantastic at reigning me back to a one-step-at-a-time mindset, but still, the thoughts have crept in. Should I book a colleague to run my overseas workshops? When will I have to taper off my in-person work? When is going back to work realistic? Yet, for some reason, the idea of twins felt so right. I love the magic of the universe sometimes. It gives you the gifts you didn't even realise you needed. And this, more than anything else, felt like one of those moments. As Arianna Huffington said: “Life is a dance between making it happen and letting it happen”.

It makes me think of another example where life threw us a surprise curve ball. In June 2021, Dan and I were living in Charlotte, North Carolina. We'd been there for 3 years and felt a sense of home and community. We'd just signed another year-long lease on our apartment and were looking forward to trips with friends over the coming months. So, when we received the news that our visa had been unexpectedly rejected and we had 30 days to leave the country, we were stunned. Initially, we fell into a spiral of panic and problem-solving.

Thankfully, a retreat to the mountains provided us with perspective and helped us appreciate that leaving somewhere you love is always going to be hard, whether it’s now or in 2-years' time (as we had originally planned). So, in many ways, the situation made the decision for us. It was a curve ball. It wasn't what we expected. But it was also an offer. And instead of fighting and pushing back against the decision, we danced with it. We left the USA by the end of July and returned to London. 20 months on, and I'm happy to report that we think of it as one of the best things that has ever happened to us. Whilst we adored our time in Charlotte and try to return every year, we have appreciated living closer to our families and being home for important milestones like weddings, babies, and big birthdays.

Many things in life are out of our control- like the Covid-19 pandemic, having your visa rejected, or getting pregnant (with one baby or two!) I believe curveballs are life's way of keeping us on our toes. And often, these moments can be the most excellent teachers we didn't even know we needed. Now, of course, the curveball of having twins has been the most wonderful surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy. But if my circumstances were different (for example, if I was dealing with relationship, financial or emotional challenges), embracing this new narrative with open arms might not have been so easy. So, I want to acknowledge both the gift and challenge in curveballs. They come into our life- often unexpectedly- and it’s up to us to choose what to do with them. To quote Pema Chödrön: “What we call obstacles are really the way the world and our entire experience teach us where we’re stuck.”

Just enjoy the show

At this moment, I’m anticipating sharing the news. We both have parents who have been dreaming up the grandparent stage for some time, so we can’t wait to drop the bombshell that two grandchildren are on the way! That said, I’m mindful of letting the wider world in. This place we are in right now feels sacred. It’s a private bubble that has allowed us to percolate and dream into these changes together. And whilst I will- I know- welcome the advice and expertise of others, I don’t want to lose the way we’ve been able to design how we want this to look, without boundaries or borders set by other people’s experiences or expectations. I also want to keep listening to my body's signals and trusting my narrative- my version of events- instead of the stories others might assume or put on me. 

So, Twin A and Twin B (as you've been named by the hospital), I know there's a lot of change to come. I'm likely to get big. And I will have to manage some of my prenatal and post-natal expectations. But that's okay. Because this is what life is about. We don't get a rehearsal. This is the show. And whilst I'd be lying if I told you that I haven't thought about the cost of buying two of everything (!) or wondered how twin pushchairs ever get through doorways, my overriding emotion is excitement. That was my first instinct. And that is the emotion I want to continue to guide me until we meet.